Day Ten! If you’ve made it this far…seek professional help.


Survivor – Christmas Is Here (download or stream below)
From A Classic Rock Christmas Amazon iTunes

[audio: – Christmas Is Here.mp3]

Jason: That’s some nice acoustic guitar.

Jeff: This sounds just like that REO thing from last year.

Jason: I blocked that from my memory. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Jeff: Which Survivor singer is this?

Jason: I was just about to ask you the same thing. This isn’t…the usual dude?

Jeff: I have no idea. They sound the same to me.

Jason: Hmm. You know what? I don’t hate this.

Jeff: I wish they’d done “Eye of the Santa.”

Jason: Oh wait, he just said something like “this gift that we call life.” ‘Cause you know that God is watchin’!

Jeff: God is watching his chosen family.

Jason: His chosen family! Wow!

Jeff: Survivor is a Jew!

Jason: Inspirational!

Jeff: It’s true — I feel inspired. To never listen to Survivor again.

Jason: Oh, come on. This actually isn’t that bad. Seriously.

Jeff: It’s no worse than ordinary Survivor.

Jason: This song is not Jewish. For starters, it’s in a major key.

Jeff: Well, yeah, but he said “chosen family.”

Jason: He’s probably talking about the Survivor Fan Club.

Jeff: Ha ha ha!

Jason: All four members.

Jeff: “We’re blessed with inspiration to be the best that we can be.” Ironic words coming from this band.

Jason: Take your own advice, Survivor! Oooh, nice little bridge-thingie. I like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m deleting it, but it’s not that bad.

Jeff: Do these lyrics even make sense?

Jason: Oh, I’m not listening to the lyrics.

Jeff: If you listen closely, it’s like they strung together left-over lines from other songs.

Jason: Wait wait wait. Hang on. Can we rewind a bit? I just heard a weird lyric right before the guitar solo.

Jeff: See! I told you, fucker!

Jason: I’m going back to 2:40. There’s a lyric I need to hear again.

Jeff: Okay, here it comes.

It can be so cold.
Walkin’ a lonely road.
Out on the edge of town.


Just open your heart and see.
It’s not only you and me.
He does it all without a sound
when no one’s around.

Jeff: Whoooooa.

Jason: That’s sketchy, right?? Like Santa’s quietly masturbating in the corner?

Hey, acapella Survivor! And it probably only took around 15 takes! $20 says they can’t do that live.

Jeff: $20 says they can’t get booked live outside of Des Moines. This sounds like reheated Journey.

Jason: Isn’t that what Survivor has been all along?

Jeff: ZANG!

Jason: Hey, don’t they have some of that Starbucks money now?

Jeff: They probably have jobs at Starbucks.

Jason: Stupid ending. You know what that ending screams to me? Auto Tune.

Jeff: The guitar screams Auto Tune?

Jason: No, that final vocal. I refuse to believe he was able to stay in key for that dramatic ending. Regardless, I think this is actually, dare I say, tolerable.

Jeff: It’s okay.

Jason: It really wasn’t that bad.

Jeff: Not the worst thing we’ve heard all Mellowmas.

Jason: Like I said, I’m still deleting it.

Jeff: Out of context, though? It fucking sucks.

Jason: Oh, definitely.

About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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