Day Ten! If you’ve made it this far…seek professional help.
Jason: That’s some nice acoustic guitar.
Jeff: This sounds just like that REO thing from last year.
Jason: I blocked that from my memory. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Jeff: Which Survivor singer is this?
Jason: I was just about to ask you the same thing. This isn’t…the usual dude?
Jeff: I have no idea. They sound the same to me.
Jason: Hmm. You know what? I don’t hate this.
Jeff: I wish they’d done “Eye of the Santa.”
Jason: Oh wait, he just said something like “this gift that we call life.” ‘Cause you know that God is watchin’!
Jeff: God is watching his chosen family.
Jason: His chosen family! Wow!
Jeff: Survivor is a Jew!
Jeff: It’s true — I feel inspired. To never listen to Survivor again.
Jason: Oh, come on. This actually isn’t that bad. Seriously.
Jeff: It’s no worse than ordinary Survivor.
Jason: This song is not Jewish. For starters, it’s in a major key.
Jeff: Well, yeah, but he said “chosen family.”
Jason: He’s probably talking about the Survivor Fan Club.
Jeff: Ha ha ha!
Jason: All four members.
Jeff: “We’re blessed with inspiration to be the best that we can be.” Ironic words coming from this band.
Jason: Take your own advice, Survivor! Oooh, nice little bridge-thingie. I like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m deleting it, but it’s not that bad.
Jeff: Do these lyrics even make sense?
Jason: Oh, I’m not listening to the lyrics.
Jeff: If you listen closely, it’s like they strung together left-over lines from other songs.
Jason: Wait wait wait. Hang on. Can we rewind a bit? I just heard a weird lyric right before the guitar solo.
Jeff: See! I told you, fucker!
Jason: I’m going back to 2:40. There’s a lyric I need to hear again.
Jeff: Okay, here it comes.
It can be so cold.
Walkin’ a lonely road.
Out on the edge of town.
Just open your heart and see.
It’s not only you and me.
He does it all without a sound
when no one’s around.
Jason: That’s sketchy, right?? Like Santa’s quietly masturbating in the corner?
Hey, acapella Survivor! And it probably only took around 15 takes! $20 says they can’t do that live.
Jeff: $20 says they can’t get booked live outside of Des Moines. This sounds like reheated Journey.
Jason: Isn’t that what Survivor has been all along?
Jason: Hey, don’t they have some of that Starbucks money now?
Jeff: They probably have jobs at Starbucks.
Jason: Stupid ending. You know what that ending screams to me? Auto Tune.
Jeff: The guitar screams Auto Tune?
Jason: No, that final vocal. I refuse to believe he was able to stay in key for that dramatic ending. Regardless, I think this is actually, dare I say, tolerable.
Jeff: It’s okay.
Jason: It really wasn’t that bad.
Jeff: Not the worst thing we’ve heard all Mellowmas.
Jason: Like I said, I’m still deleting it.
Jeff: Out of context, though? It fucking sucks.
Jason: Oh, definitely.