Jeff: You want to get German?

Jason: Ja.

Eisbrecher — Vergissmeinnicht (download)

From Melodic Metal Dreams for Christmas Amazon iTunes

Jason: !!!! What the fuck is this?

Jeff: This doesn’t sound like Christmas at all. AHHHHHH!

Jason: HOLY SHIT!

Jeff: What the FUCK?

Jason: Jeff, as a Jew, I want you to know I’m really, really frightened right now.

Jeff: As a NON-Jew, I’m frightened.

Jason: How the fuck did you find this track?

Jeff: It’s on an album called Melodic Metal Dreams for Christmas.

Jason: This sounds like one of the songs the Numa Numa kid would listen to.

Jeff: Ha ha ha! Numa Numa Kid!

Jason: What does Vergissmeinnicht mean, anyway?

Jeff: I don’t know, but I found the lyrics. The first verse begins:

Three weeks gone and the combatants gone
returning over the nightmare ground
we found the place again, and found
the soldier sprawling in the sun.

Jason: What the…

Jeff: Maybe this guy wrote “Song for Sarajevo.”

Jason: How is this a Christmas song?

Jeff: If Rammstein ever makes a Christmas album, I think it’ll sound a lot like this.

Jason: I don’t understand.

Jeff:

For here the lover and killer are mingled
who had one body and one heart.
And death who had the soldier singled
has done the lover mortal hurt.

Jason: Seriously. How is this Christmas?

Jeff: Oh, wait, you know what?

Jason: Hang on, I’m busy renouncing my faith.

Jeff: Those aren’t the lyrics. They’re a poem with the same fucking name.

Jason: Eisbrecher totally just punked you!

Jeff: These guys are the world’s scariest plagiarists.

Jason: I found the video!

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/fa2TIXrwWbo" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Jeff: Are you watching it? I hear it ends with the singer in a casket.

Jason: Are you kidding me? No, I’m not watching the video! I won’t be able to sleep tonight!

Jeff: You know what? I like this better than the Archies.

Jason: You said you hated the Archies. You melodramatic motherfucker.

Jeff: I’m totally imagining these guys interrupting one of Ron Dante’s cruise ship concerts.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha! “Sugar…oh, honey hon (SLAP)”

Jeff: “Vergissmeinnicht! Vergissmeinnicht, Vergissmeinnicht, Vergissmeinnicht!”

Jason: “Oops, I crapped my pants!” I wonder how Eisbrecher would play in Fort Lauderdale. If I had some kind of immunity, I would totally invite them over for Passover seder.

Jeff: The band’s name translates to “icebreaker.” Oh, wait, I found the translation of the title!

Jason: Oh yeah? Does it mean “achoo”?

Jeff: Ha! It means “forget-me-not.”

Jason: So we still don’t know what the fuck this has to do with Christmas, other than you found it on that album.

Jeff: I’m going to their website. If I’m not back in five minutes, call the cops.

Jason: Forget the cops, I’m calling my rabbi. Think of shalom, Jeff.

Jeff: They have a podcast!

Jason: Do you think they just scream all through the podcast?

Jeff: I hope so!

Jason: Vergissmeinnicht!

Jeff: This website is full of hilarious almost-English: “Your loyalty will be recompensed! Who buys the new Eisbrecher-record „Sünde “ within the first publication week, gets a surprise from us on top.”

Jason: Vergissmeinnicht to all, and to all a good night!

Jeff: I’m totally buying this record for you.

Jason: Oh, no. Please, no. Send it to Robert or something.

Jeff: I want to know what the surprise on top is. Specifically when it is on top of you. Vergissmeinnicht!!!

Jason: Vergissmeinnicht! Do me a favor. Put this track on your daughter’s iPod.

Jeff: You’re so mean.

Jason: Tell her it’s a wonderful sweet lullaby. Then turn off all the lights. And wear all black, and dance around with a flashlight under your face.

Jeff: I’m scared she’ll know the words. I’ll wake up and find her next to my bed and she’ll say “Vergissmeinnicht!”

Jason: If your daughter can pronounce that word at three years old, you have a genius on your hands.

Jeff: I’ll tell you what I will do, though.

Jason: Let me guess. You’ll send me the CD.

Jeff: Aww, you ruined the surprise!

Jason: I hope you have to order it from overseas and it costs you like $30.

Jeff: Don’t worry, though — the band has an extra surprise on top for you. “What the surprise will be will not be shown yet of course!”

Jason: Vergissmeinnicht!

Jeff: Vergissmeinnicht!!!

About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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