The first year of Mellowmas (2006) was only twelve days long. Six of those days took place at Jeff’s website, which met its demise in the fall of 2007 due to an unscrupulous hosting company. Recreated from our chat logs ten years ago, here’s the day we thankfully spent a minimal amount of time listening to Peter Cetera get sassy on a holiday classic. — Jason
Peter Cetera – Jingle Bells (download)
From You Just Gotta Love Christmas
Jason: Ready for Jingle Bells?
Jeff: Okay, here come those bells. These vocals are so fucking groovy and psychedelic.
Jason: “Don’t stop ringing those jingle bells?” What kind of line is THAT? Man, his voice is so smooth.
Jeff: There are like a dozen Ceteras in there.
Jason: That’s 12 more than I need.
Jeff: The smoothness, it burns.
Jason: How does he sound like such a wuss all the time?
Jason: It’s like a Chicago throwback!
Jeff: Have you ever seen him sing?
Jason: doesn’t he barely open his mouth? He doesn’t even say the word “way.” It’s more like “weh.”
Jeff: Yeah, on account of having his jaw broken at a Dodgers game.
Jason: The horns on this are actually not bad. And they’re certainly real.
Jeff: I bet every time Cetera makes an album, the producer and the label bug him about putting horns on it.
Jason: I hate people who syncopate this song, in particular. This song and “Silent Night.”
Jeff: And he resists for a while, but eventually, he explodes in a weeping fit of rage.
Jason: Ooh, break it down! Oh, wait, the break down is over. That was the quickest breakdown in history.
Jeff: I have to say, this is much better than “The Best Christmas.”
Jason: Yeah, I kind of like it. My mom would love it.
Jeff: Don’t say that.
Jason: I get the point, Peter. I won’t stop ringing those jingle bells.
Jeff: It was mercifully brief. I’ll give it that much.
Jason: You know, I want this one to end with a loud power chord, too.
Jeff: I’m sensing a pattern here.
Jason: This is a 2006 release, right?
Jeff: No, I think it was a 2004 release. But the label that he licensed it to barely distributed it. Cue lawsuit.
Jason: Oh, well then that answers my next question: Think it’s going to get any airplay?
Jeff: I think it’s being “re-released” now.
Jason: Thank God. I’ve been dying for the whole Cetera canon to be re-released.
Jeff: Which answers the question, if a Peter Cetera Christmas album is reissued, does it make a sound?
Jason: Yes, but the sound is crickets.
Jeff: I believe that may be the first time the words “Cetera” and “canon” have been used together.
Jason: And hopefully the last.
Jeff: “Cetera” and “cannon,” on the other hand…