Self-Promotion Alert! For the second year in a row, we were guests on Sound Awake Radio the other day, talkin’ ’bout Mellowmas, and you can listen to our segment — complete with a handful of horrible songs — via the streaming widget below. Enjoy! Or not, whatever, it’s cool.
Jeff: JASON! Wake up! I had a terrible nightmare!
Jason: Is this about Mellowmas ending again? You already used this joke, you son of a bitch.
Jeff: Sadly, it’s no joke. But you know what is?
Jason: Dave Lifton?
Jeff: “Me!” — Dave Lifton
Jason: [points at beer belly, points at you]
Jeff: I was thinking of a Dave, actually. But not Dave Lifton.
Jason: “What other Dave matters?” – Dave Lifton
Jeff: I was thinking of Brother Dave’s Thunder Redemption, Jason. You know about Brother Dave’s Thunder Redemption, right?
Jason: Brother Who?
Jeff: Oh, you know. Brother Dave. And his Thunder Redemption.
Jason: Thunder Rewhatmption?
Jeff: Good ol’ Brother Dave.
Jason: I do not know Brother Dave, nor do I know his Thunder Redemption.
Jason: I remember that time we shared a bed and you farted and pulled the sheets over my head.
Jeff: This…this is kind of like that, actually.
Jason: And that was the day I vowed I would eventually get my Thunder Redemption.
Jeff: I wonder what you’ll vow seven minutes and 18 seconds from now.
Jason: SEVEN MINUTES AND 18 SECONDS?
Jeff: thunder redemption dance
Jason: Is this Thunder Redemption for that really short pishing track? Because if so, you’re bullshit.
Jeff: Let me ask you this, dear friend.
Jason: I hate when you call me “dear friend.” Nothing good ever happens after that.
Jeff: You’ve listened to a lot of raps in your day, right? I know you’re down with the hip-hop.
Jason: I do like a good rapping tune, yes.
Jeff: Have you ever wondered what it might sound like if someone recorded “The Reindeer Rap”?
Specifically Brother Dave?
And his Thunder Redemption?
Jason: I remember “The Christmas Rap” that ended Mellowmas a few years ago.
Jeff: As do I! I wonder if this will reach those lofty heights.
Jason: And I remember Dr. Elmo’s “The Night Before Kwanzaa.”
Jeff: A holiday classic!
Jason: Is this anything like those?
Jeff: You know there’s only one way to find out.
Jeff: BASS, JASON
Jason: Is this Brother Dave? What is he talking about?
Jeff: I can only assume that it is. Now check it.
Jason: NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO
Jeff: SHUT UP KIDS
Jason: SHUT UP RAPPIN’ KIDS
Jeff: OH GOD THEY GO ON AND ON
Jason: This guy is creeping me out.
Jeff: Six minutes to go!
I could totally hear Fred Schneider covering this song.
Jason: Or The Dan Band.
At least the kids are gone.
Jeff: Actually, I think Fred Schneider would improve this song. He’d probably tell the kids to shut up, too.
Jason: Oh great, he’s about to tell us something that we don’t know. Just what was Rudolph’s standing in the reindeer community? Let us review.
Jeff: This is the only Mellowmas song to ever use the word “community” twice.
Jason: Yesterday my daughter asked me why Rudolph’s father painted his nose black. You know what I said? SHUT UP KID
Jeff: Singing! There’s singing!
Jason: Whoa, what just happened?
Jeff: This is, like, prog Mellowmas rap.
Jason: There’s a choir, which sucks, but at least it’s not a kid choir.
Jeff: This whole time I’ve been wondering why the song is seven minutes long, and now I know! Brother Dave has MUSICAL AMBITIONS.
Jason: Is that what he has?
I still don’t really know what the hell is going on.
Jeff: We do not defeat those who oppress us by becoming more like them, Jason. Now let me get real with you.
Jason: Please do not get real with me.
Jeff: This is kind of amazing. How long do you think it took Brother Dave to write this?
Jason: Right now, I would prefer getting another Dutch Oven from you over listening to the remaining two minutes of this song.
Jeff: Can you love a reindeer, Jason?
Jason: Oh good, the music is back.
Jeff: With your heart?
Jason: I can’t love anything anymore.
Jeff: CAN YOU LOVE A REINDEER WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART I SAID CAN YOU CAN YOU CAN YOU
Hey, kids! Welcome back!
Jason: NO DO NOT WELCOME BACK THE KIDS
GO AWAY KIDS
GO AWAY AND SHUT UP KIDS
SOMEONE HIT THE KIDS WITH THE JINGLE BELLS
Jeff: I’m sensing a long, long fadeout. Brother Dave is a musical genius! Or something!
Wow! That was something.
Jason: I’ll give him credit for that ending. That was kind of ballsy.
Jeff: I have to give him credit for all of this. Most Christmas songs are three minutes or less. Brother Dave had more to say and wasn’t afraid to say it.
Jason: Even if none of us asked to hear it.
Jeff: I mean…if that isn’t the spirit of Mellowmas, than what is?
Jason: That’s fair. Go on with your bad, indulgent self, Brother Dave.
Jeff: Go love a reindeer. With your whole heart.
Jason: And in the meantime, Jeff, I have a spot in this bed here for you.
Jeff: Wrong Thunder Redemption!
Jason: If only it lasted seven minutes and 18 seconds.