The Fourth Day of Mellowmas: Rappin’ About Reindeer

Written by Mellowmas, Mellowmas 2015, Music

Can you love a reindeer with your whole heart? Brother Dave is asking for a friend

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Self-Promotion Alert! For the second year in a row, we were guests on Sound Awake Radio the other day, talkin’ ’bout Mellowmas, and you can listen to our segment — complete with a handful of horrible songs — via the streaming widget below. Enjoy! Or not, whatever, it’s cool.

MELLOWMAS SPECIAL 2015 by Sound Awake on Mixcloud

Jeff: JASON! Wake up! I had a terrible nightmare!

Jason: Is this about Mellowmas ending again? You already used this joke, you son of a bitch.

Jeff: Sadly, it’s no joke. But you know what is?

Jason: Dave Lifton?

Jeff: “Me!” — Dave Lifton

Jason: [points at beer belly, points at you]

Jeff: I was thinking of a Dave, actually. But not Dave Lifton.

Jason: “What other Dave matters?” – Dave Lifton

Jeff: I was thinking of Brother Dave’s Thunder Redemption, Jason. You know about Brother Dave’s Thunder Redemption, right?

Jason: Brother Who?

Jeff: Oh, you know. Brother Dave. And his Thunder Redemption.

Jason: Thunder Rewhatmption?

Jeff: Good ol’ Brother Dave.

Jason: I do not know Brother Dave, nor do I know his Thunder Redemption.

Jeff: YET.

Jason: I remember that time we shared a bed and you farted and pulled the sheets over my head.

Jeff: This…this is kind of like that, actually.

Jason: And that was the day I vowed I would eventually get my Thunder Redemption.

Jeff: I wonder what you’ll vow seven minutes and 18 seconds from now.

Jason: SEVEN MINUTES AND 18 SECONDS?

Jeff: thunder redemption dance

Jason: Is this Thunder Redemption for that really short pishing track? Because if so, you’re bullshit.

Jeff: Let me ask you this, dear friend.

Jason: I hate when you call me “dear friend.” Nothing good ever happens after that.

Jeff: You’ve listened to a lot of raps in your day, right? I know you’re down with the hip-hop.

Jason: I do like a good rapping tune, yes.

Jeff: Have you ever wondered what it might sound like if someone recorded “The Reindeer Rap”?

Specifically Brother Dave?

And his Thunder Redemption?

Jason: I remember “The Christmas Rap” that ended Mellowmas a few years ago.

Jeff: As do I! I wonder if this will reach those lofty heights.

Jason: And I remember Dr. Elmo’s “The Night Before Kwanzaa.”

Jeff: A holiday classic!

Jason: Is this anything like those?

Jeff: You know there’s only one way to find out.

Brother Dave’s Thunder Redemption, “The Reindeer Rap”

Jeff: BASS, JASON

Jason: Is this Brother Dave? What is he talking about?

Jeff: I can only assume that it is. Now check it.

Jason: NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jeff: SHUT UP KIDS

SHUT
UP
KIDS

Jason: SHUT UP RAPPIN’ KIDS

Jeff: OH GOD THEY GO ON AND ON

Cowbell!

Jason: This guy is creeping me out.

Jeff: Six minutes to go!

I could totally hear Fred Schneider covering this song.

Jason: Or The Dan Band.

At least the kids are gone.

Jeff: Actually, I think Fred Schneider would improve this song. He’d probably tell the kids to shut up, too.

Jason: Oh great, he’s about to tell us something that we don’t know. Just what was Rudolph’s standing in the reindeer community? Let us review.

Jeff: This is the only Mellowmas song to ever use the word “community” twice.

Jason: Yesterday my daughter asked me why Rudolph’s father painted his nose black. You know what I said? SHUT UP KID

Jeff: Singing! There’s singing!

Jason: Whoa, what just happened?

Jeff: This is, like, prog Mellowmas rap.

Jason: There’s a choir, which sucks, but at least it’s not a kid choir.

Jeff: This whole time I’ve been wondering why the song is seven minutes long, and now I know! Brother Dave has MUSICAL AMBITIONS.

Jason: Is that what he has?

I still don’t really know what the hell is going on.

Jeff: We do not defeat those who oppress us by becoming more like them, Jason. Now let me get real with you.

Jason: Please do not get real with me.

Jeff: This is kind of amazing. How long do you think it took Brother Dave to write this?

Jason: Right now, I would prefer getting another Dutch Oven from you over listening to the remaining two minutes of this song.

Jeff: Can you love a reindeer, Jason?

Jason: Oh good, the music is back.

Jeff: With your heart?

Jason: I can’t love anything anymore.

Jeff: CAN YOU LOVE A REINDEER WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART I SAID CAN YOU CAN YOU CAN YOU

Hey, kids! Welcome back!

Jason: NO DO NOT WELCOME BACK THE KIDS
GO AWAY KIDS
GO AWAY AND SHUT UP KIDS
SOMEONE HIT THE KIDS WITH THE JINGLE BELLS

Jeff: I’m sensing a long, long fadeout. Brother Dave is a musical genius! Or something!

Wow! That was something.

Jason: I’ll give him credit for that ending. That was kind of ballsy.

Jeff: I have to give him credit for all of this. Most Christmas songs are three minutes or less. Brother Dave had more to say and wasn’t afraid to say it.

Jason: Even if none of us asked to hear it.

Jeff: I mean…if that isn’t the spirit of Mellowmas, than what is?

Jason: That’s fair. Go on with your bad, indulgent self, Brother Dave.

Jeff: Go love a reindeer. With your whole heart.

Jason: And in the meantime, Jeff, I have a spot in this bed here for you.

Jeff: Wrong Thunder Redemption!

Jason: If only it lasted seven minutes and 18 seconds.