Old days — good times I remember. Fun days, filled with simple pleasures. Drive-in movies, comic books and blue jeans, Howdy Doody, baseball cards, and birthdays take me back to a…
Bootleg City
149 Articles
Robert Cass
2 Min Read
As most of you know by now, “The Goon and the Prune” didn’t shoot a single frame of film in Bootleg City. Amnesty International caught wind of the filmmakers’ plans…
Matthew Boles
1 Min Read
Citizens of Bootleg City, this is your mayor. This is your mayor on drugs. This is your mayor on drugs trying to get over a bout of hay fever and…
Robert Cass
3 Min Read
Last week I delivered the thrilling news that a movie is going to be shot right here in Bootleg City, and now I’m happy to announce that shooting begins next…
Robert Cass
2 Min Read
To fully enjoy the following piece of news from the mayor of Bootleg City, you must put on your 3-D glasses. And in order to be fully exploited by the…
Robert Cass
4 Min Read
Folks, I have some exciting news to share with you — the Terrorist Dunking Booth is back! After the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, none of us here in…
Robert Cass
15 Min Read
Alex Chilton was the king of rock ‘n’ roll. The king of rock ‘n’ roll is dead. Long live the king.
Robert Cass
4 Min Read
“What will be my legacy?” It’s a question every politician has to answer. Will we be remembered for fighting the good fight, or, like former New York congressman Eric Massa,…
Robert Cass
4 Min Read
On Monday I was told that my poll numbers have been slipping among young girls. This may seem like no big deal when you consider that no one under 18…
Robert Cass
5 Min Read
There’s been a lot of negativity here in Bootleg City the past few months. From last fall’s mayoral election to the criticism of my extended vacation and the controversy over…
Robert Cass
4 Min Read
Fellow citizens of Bootleg City, I have something to confess — I am not a fellow citizen. I’m the mayor. I’m up here, and you’re down there. That’s why certain…
Matthew Boles
1 Min Read
A few months ago I wrote a couple pieces praising the dearly departed Spectrum in Philadelphia. But ever since, my karma’s been out of whack. See, I grew up just…
Robert Cass
4 Min Read
A few weeks ago, concerned (i.e. nosy, spiteful, possibly dating archnemesis Matt Wardlaw) citizen-journalist Annie Zaleski leaked a letter I wrote, one that would let all of my constituents know…
Robert Cass
6 Min Read
The mayor of Bootleg City is back! And in case you have no idea who that is, the mayor is me! Thank you, thank you, you’re too kind. But if…
Matthew Boles
1 Min Read
Hello, denizens of Bootleg City! Mayor Cass here, and I’m happy to announce that I’m finally back! … starting next week. See, I left some of my Simply Red CDs…
Annie Zaleski
1 Min Read
Last week in Bootleg City, it was discovered that Mayor Cass had gone missing after what appeared to be a New Year’s Eve celebration in his office. The only clue…
Annie Zaleski
1 Min Read
The mayor’s office in Bootleg City was completely dark as I cracked open the door. ”Thank God,” I thought to myself. I had absentmindedly left my Cure reissues there before…
Matt Wardlaw
1 Min Read
Another new year quietly began this morning, and as I cleared the snow off of my porch here in Bootleg City, I was feeling quite reflective. I came back into…
Matt Wardlaw
1 Min Read
Back in the mid- to late ’80s, before Bob Marley, David Byrne, and I had even met the eventual mayor of Bootleg City, otherwise known as Robert “The Eventual Mayor of Bootleg…
Matt Wardlaw
1 Min Read
Six years ago I was fed up with the state of affairs in Bootleg City, but determined to do something about it. A small group of Bootleg City school board…
Annie Zaleski
1 Min Read
Greetings, citizens of Bootleg City. It’s an honor being the first female interim mayor of this fair burg. But perhaps you’re wondering how I snagged this plush gig. No no…
Matthew Boles
1 Min Read
OK, I have to tell you a story. The other day I was sleeping off my annual four-day Thanksgiving bender when my phone rang at the crack of midnight. It…
Matthew Boles
1 Min Read
When I was a wee mountain man growing up in southern Connecticut, just outside New York City, I quickly learned that everything from Philadelphia was crap: The Flyers were a…
Matthew Boles
1 Min Read
Hey, the head man is out of town! This is such a freakin’ good idea. See, when our “public servants” walk into office having “plans” and “introducing legislation,” they immediately…
Matt Wardlaw
1 Min Read
This holiday season will offer you 7 Wishes. But what will you wish for first? Will it be the Jack Blades posable action figure? Dressed in authentic Midnight Madness-era stage attire,…
Robert Cass
3 Min Read
We did it! More specifically and much less modestly, I did it — I won Tuesday’s election! My victory even got some coverage from Associated Press national political writer Liz…
Robert Cass
2 Min Read
Wow! People are really fired up about this Tuesday’s election in Bootleg City! As mayor, it warms my heart to see such civic pride and faith in democracy. Don’t forget…
Robert Cass
3 Min Read
The mayoral election is only 11 days away, and if the endless online chatter here in Bootleg City is any indication, voter turnout is sure to break all kinds of…
Robert Cass
2 Min Read
I believe the children are our future. I also believe my future in politics would’ve been cut tragically short on November 3 if Jethro Tull frontman Ian Anderson hadn’t returned…
Robert Cass
2 Min Read
As election day approaches, it’s important for a political candidate like myself to line up celebrity endorsements. One of my opponents, David Byrne, has the support of famous people-slash-political activists…