Whatever Happened to … Your Thirties?

12 Perfectly Timed Photos of Your Reactions to Job-Interview Questions You Had No Idea How to Answer

Your Hairline and 14 Other Awesome Things From 1996 That Are Unrecognizable Today

If the 28 Browser Tabs You Opened Last Week But Never Finished Reading Were Tombstones in Your Short Attention Span’s Own Private Cemetery, This Is What Would Be Engraved on Them

7 Hard-to-Detect Diseases You Probably Already Have

Don’t Panic! 9 Hot New Anxiety Dreams for Summer

6 Social Activities That Seemed Fun Back When You Made a Sincere Effort to Be Social (Okay, Fine — Semi-Sincere) But Are Inconceivable Today

12 People From College Who Make Way More Money Than You — #9 Will Shock You

8 People You Should’ve Been Nicer to in College

4 Other People You Should’ve Been Nicer to, and Not Just Because They Now Make Way More Money Than You

13 Women Who Rejected You in College and Are Now Married to Really Great Guys Who Also Make Way More Money Than You

11 Things You’ll Regret Not Asking Your Parents Before They Die Because You Were Too Busy Googling People From College Who Make Way More Money Than You

9 Parts of Your Body You’re Not Obsessing Enough About, Especially at Your Age

When Was the Last Time You Changed Your Sheets? The Answer Will Make Your Jaw Drop

5 Things You Learned Just Yesterday That You Already Can’t Remember

10 Rap Songs From Middle School That You Haven’t Heard in Years, Yet You Still Remember Almost Every Single Word as If You’d Learned Them Just Yesterday, Because Your Brain Is Against You

8 Things That Cute 25-Year-Old at Work Is Thinking Every Time You Start a Sentence With ‘I Know I’m Dating Myself Here, But …’

The Disney Villain You Most Resemble in Bed

7 Huge Plot Holes in the Epic Narrative Otherwise Known as Your OkCupid Profile


This Photo of Your Face Before You Gained 15 Pounds Last Year Will Haunt Your Dreams

10 Horrible Things People Have Said About You That You Totally Believe

10 Horrible Things You’ve Said About People That You’d Totally Forgotten

10 Wonderful Things People Have Said About You That You’d Totally Forgotten Because You Focus Too Much on the Negative, You Miserable Little S**t

6 AMAZING Lives You Could’ve Led If You’d Learned to Take Some Friendly Advice Earlier in Life, But Nooooo, You Had It in Your Head That You Were ‘Special’ Somehow and That ‘Destiny’ — Whatever THAT Is — Would Take Care of the Rest

12 Ways Your Parents Really Could’ve Screwed You Up If They’d Cared Enough About Your Vague Artistic Ambitions

43 Times in the Past Year That You’ve Told Yourself ‘Today Is the Day,’ Then Spent the Day Binge-Watching a TV Show You Don’t Even Like

Cure Your Chronic Procrastination With This One Simple Trick Right After You Read About the 9 Times You Were on the Verge of Making a Brilliant Discovery But Got Distracted, But in Your Defense It’s Not Like Those CDs and VHS Tapes Were Going to Magically Alphabetize Themselves

10 Things You Hate About Yourself, Ranked — #2-5 Are All New for 2016!

The Shocking Final Words of Your Confidence Right Before It Died

5 Crazy Myths About Self-Pity Being a Turnoff That You’ve Basically Believed Your Entire Life

You’ll Never Guess What the Length and Volume of Your Ear and Back Hair Reveal About Your Earning Potential

15 Illogical Phobias to Look Forward to as You Get Older

30 Totally Adorable 250 Sq. Ft. Studio Apartments Where You Can Die Alone

50 Mind-Blowing Articles You’ll Never Get to Read If You Recycle That Three-Foot Stack of Newspapers From 2013

8 Things You Actually Do Recycle That Shouldn’t Be Placed in a Recycling Bin, Which You’d Actually Know If You’d Actually Read the Instructions on the Bin

11 Classic Songs From the Late ’90s That Can Trigger Your Postcollege Depression in 60 Seconds or Less as You Wait in Line at Target to Buy Special K and Tube Socks

14 Friends Whose Facebook Pages You Should NOT Visit Unless You Want to Know Why Their Lives Are So Full of Excitement and Achievement That They Can’t Possibly Find the Time to Reply to Even One G**damn E-mail

If Your Self-Esteem Was a Person, This Is What It Would Look Like on a Rascal Scooter

10 Classic ’80s Comedies That Can Make You Cry Now Because You’re Broken

You Won’t Believe Which Members of the Popular Crowd From High School Have Had Crushing Personal and Professional Setbacks Since Graduation

You Also Won’t Believe How Many Brain Tumors Are Caused by Schadenfreude

20 Inspirational Quotes You’re Far Too Cynical to Find Inspirational

This GIF of Your Face at the Moment You Realized Half Your Life Is Pretty Much Over Will Freak You the F**k Out

1,000,000 Things You Could Be Doing Right Now Instead of Clicking on This So-Called Headline — None Will Shock You

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About the Author

Robert Cass

Robert Cass lives in Chicago. For Popdose he's written under the Sugar Water, Bootleg City, and Box Office Flashback banners and collaborated on the series 'Face Time with Jeff Giles and Mike Heyliger.

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