“We’re only special for so long. That natural high can’t last forever.”
Sugar Water
70 Articles
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Robert Cass
5 Min Read
“Remember how big U2 used to be? That’s COVID-19, just with more letters and a bigger number.”
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Robert Cass
5 Min Read
Please take a moment to familiarize yourself with my updated policy.
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Robert Cass
6 Min Read
Jesus, by all appearances, had an agenda on this particular eventide. But yea, verily, so did Simon Peter.
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Robert Cass
3 Min Read
“Now is the time for listening, which we look forward to doing just as soon as we’re finished telling our side of the story.”
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Robert Cass
3 Min Read
“I used to be one of those guys. I used to pet a girl’s dog and not even ask her his name.”
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Robert Cass
6 Min Read
“Never forget — bedbugs are bad bugs that take advantage of our precious resources.”
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Robert Cass
3 Min Read
“I’m sorry I’ve been hard to reach lately. I’m having what you might call a dark night of the soul.”
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Robert Cass
4 Min Read
“I’ve been called good, bad, stormy, strange — you name it.”
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Robert Cass
4 Min Read
The zombies of AMC’s “The Walking Dead” promise to eat your heart out when they return for the series’s midseason premiere this Valentine’s Day.
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Robert Cass
1 Min Read
Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark doesn’t officially open until March 15, but it’s already been slammed with some of the worst reviews in Broadway history. Luckily, Robert Cass is here to provide director Julie Taymor and her collaborators with a list of suggestions for a creative overhaul.
Robert Cass
5 Min Read
When Captain Owen Honors was demoted by the U.S. Navy on January 4 for in-house videos he made almost five years earlier, he learned an important lesson: electric cars aren’t gay.
Robert Cass
1 Min Read
Music-derived chills, or “skin orgasms,” are experienced by certain personality types, especially during the holidays. Robert Cass goes up close and waaaay too personal to introduce readers to this phenomenon.
Robert Cass
6 Min Read
U.S. airports will soon be selling more alcohol to raise revenue for cash-strapped local governments, while airlines continue to charge fees for checked baggage and other services. Investigative reporter Robert Cass pretends to be outraged, then drinks.
Robert Cass
7 Min Read
On Tuesday CNN’s Larry King announced that he’ll end his 25-year-old talk show this fall, having been beaten consistently in the ratings the past year by his 9 PM cable-news…
Robert Cass
1 Min Read
On May 12 the American Civil Liberties Union filed two free-speech lawsuits in Scranton, Pennsylvania, defending citizens who were charged with using profanity by local police. Seven days later CBS…
Robert Cass
1 Min Read
Earlier today I received the following press release in an e-mail attachment. It was also posted on the Vatican’s website before mysteriously vanishing just an hour later. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE…
Robert Cass
1 Min Read
Three weeks ago the New York Times reported that Mattel is producing Ken and Barbie dolls based on four characters from the hit TV series Mad Men to promote the…
Robert Cass
1 Min Read
A recently published report by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life found that 26 percent of “millennials,” or young people born after 1980, claim they have no religious…
Robert Cass
14 Min Read
On the morning of January 11, numerous media outlets reported that former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich had proclaimed to Esquire magazine that he’s “blacker than Barack Obama” in its February…
Robert Cass
20 Min Read
Per Second, Per Second, Per Second … Every Second (Aware/Columbia), the 2003 album by Boston-area band Wheat, is the best album of the decade. Now you know. To be fair,…
Robert Cass
14 Min Read
Now that I’ve got your attention, I’d like to remind you that in late September— Wow. You’re already not paying attention. You really do think about sex every seven seconds….
Robert Cass
1 Min Read
So, are you done with all your Thanksgiving leftovers? Already looking forward to that Christmas ham? Then listen up, all you attendees of Jesus’s annual baby shower, and take a…
Robert Cass
6 Min Read
A nation mourned Wednesday night, as CNN’s Lou Dobbs, an outspoken critic of illegal immigration, announced his retirement from the network. Though it’s still unclear which nation is in mourning,…
Robert Cass
23 Min Read
The following piece originally appeared as an entry in Popdose’s Most Disturbing Halloween EVER! series. “Everyday People” entered the Billboard Top 40 on January 4, 1969. Six weeks later it…
Robert Cass
5 Min Read
President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday, a decision that instantly created controversy. For one thing, Tina Fey wasn’t even nominated. For another, Obama’s been president less…
Robert Cass
5 Min Read
Muntadhar al-Zeidi, the Iraqi TV reporter who threw his shoes at President George W. Bush during a press conference in Baghdad last December, was released from prison on September 15…
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