Jason: Well, Jeff. Here we are again. Another year, another opportunity to hear Michael Buble just pissing all over the holiday.
Jeff: Ah, the velvety croon of Michael Buble’s bladder.
Jason: I am trying to remember how many times he’s released/re-released his Christmas album.
Jeff: He only has one? I thought he’d released at least three.
Jason: It was originally released in 2011. There was a Special Edition in 2012.
Jeff: There you go using the singular again. Isn’t he like a modern Andy Williams now — a thing that exists mainly at Christmas?
Well, Christmas and random sitcom cameos, I guess. Or is that Groban? I can never tell them apart.
Jason: I guess that was it for the releases. But it seems like he’s on TV every year, singing Christmas songs and looking generally a little confused.
Jeff: I say good for him. It takes courage to go after those mother-in-law dollars so sincerely.
Jason: And sure enough, NBC will be broadcasting “Michael BublÁ©’s Christmas” this season.
Jeff: …The same one as before?
Jason: Sorry, I got the title wrong. “Michael BublÁ©’s Christmas in New York.”
Jeff: Hey, you can take your daughter!
Jason: I’m not taking her to the city to see a Canadian!
Jeff: I am now counting down the days until it makes sense to quote you on that.
Jason: Anyway, though he doesn’t have his own album out this year, he’s guesting on Idina Menzel’s Christmas album.
Jeff: She’s got a voice! One I never needed to hear tackling Christmas songs.
Jason: Yes, I know. I hear it at least once a day.
Jeff: You work at Starbucks?
Jason: No, I have a daughter. And a wife. Both who love singing “Let It Go.”
Jeff: You need a bigger house.
Jason: Every day, my daughter would ask me to put on “Here Comes the Sun.” And it’s now pretty much been replaced by “Let It Go.” I am very angry with Idina Menzel.
Jeff: The perfect frame of mind to listen to her duet with Buble!
Jason: Fine, but let’s please play it softly. Because if my daughter hears Elsa singing with this guy, she’s never going to let me turn it off.
Jeff: The one thing you can count on with these Broadway stars is production values.
Jason: Oh, they’re DEFINITELY in the same studio. I wonder if they’ve even met.
Jeff: I can’t complain about the singing, regardless of how many miles these files traveled. Oh, wait, except for that stupid fake laugh.
AND THE TALK-SINGING
STOP TALKING BOTH OF YOU STOP TALKING
Jason: Oh, it’s so charming how she laughs after she sings “Say, what’s in this drink?”
Jeff: Am I the only one waiting for Bill Cosby to walk in?
Jason: I was just about to go there. It’s 2014. Why are we still allowing this song to be covered?
Jeff: I’ve gotta go flarn
There’s bound to be flarn tomorrow
Baby it’s flarn outside
Jason: Ugh, the talking at the end.
Jeff: Gross, gross, gross.
Jason: IDINA. HE PUT A ROOFIE IN YOUR EGG NOG.
Jeff: I’m with you. How is this song cute?
Jason: Our pal J.A. Bartlett shared his feelings about this song a couple of years ago.
Jeff: J.A. speaks the truth. This could only be skeevier if Buble had been singing it with Miss Alexis Lee.
Jason: Oh crap! I remember her! Maybe we should just listen to Michael Bubble instead.
Jeff: I bet even Michael Bubble was disappointed when he heard this!
Jason: Unless Michael Buble slipped something into his drink first.
So. That was well-produced, nice instrumentation, vocals were inoffensive as long as you ignore the charming conversation, and yet I never need to hear it again.
Jeff: This was like three wig hairs removed from what it would have sounded like if Travolta and Olivia Newton-John had done it. Wait, did they record this? They totally did, didn’t they?
Jason: WE COVERED IT.
Jeff: They all bleed together, Jason. Hold me.
Jason: ”Don’t go, John!” ”Ugh! I’m stayin’!”
Jeff: I remembered their awful video, I just didn’t remember the song. Now I remember the song, which is remarkably similar to what we just heard.
Mellowmas is a sour brown circle.
Jason: Yup. I have yet to hear a truly bad version of this song. They’re all just bland. And this is not an invitation, readers.
Jeff: But if you find terrible versions of “Wonderful Christmastime,” please do send them along to Jeff Vrabel, Writer.
Jason: My daughter just came downstairs and asked to hear this song again.