mellowmas2010

For the second year, we’ll be joining Jeffrey Thames [King of Grief], host of KPFT Houston‘s Sound Awake, for a discussion on the Mellowmas-iest decade. Join us today at 1 PM CST at http://kpft.org

Jeff: JASON!

Jason: JEFITO!

Jeff: I just heard the WORST NEWS.

Jason: Oh my God! Are you okay? What’s wrong?

Jeff: Mellowmas is ending! This is the last Mellowmas.

Jason: Oh. That.

Jeff: Some idiot decided to pull the plug!

Jason: It’s like this, Jeff.

Jeff: gasp
YOU SAID “IT’S LIKE THIS”

Jason: I learned it by watching you!

Jeff: The worm has turned!

Jason: Recently, we both received some news. News that, I would argue, is worse than the news you just shared.

Jeff: …We did?

Jason:We did. Let’s just say that there will no longer be any rides on a helicopter with jolly old Saint Nick.

Jeff: Oh THAT. Yes. Wing’s retirement did hit me pretty hard. She didn’t even consult us!

Jason: We were good for at least another $100. Two or three more birthday phone messages and we could have financed her next album.

Jeff: If Wing had emailed me and told me she needed $100 to keep going for another six months, I definitely would have kicked in.

Or thought about it.

Jason: I don’t know if we’ve ever shared with our readers the story of how we tried to get her to record “Have a Very Mellowmas” for us.

Jeff: She came back with some surprisingly lofty demands, none of which had to do with money.

Jason: If I recall correctly, she shared her demands with me, and I declined all of them.

Jeff: I think one of them involved you changing your name to “Hason.”

Jason: And I believe she sent me at least two or three e-mails after that trying to get me to change my mind. One of those messages came like three or four months later, too.

Jeff: Wing takes time, Hason. To heal when you’re hurting so much.

Didn’t she record a Mariah Carey covers album? I no longer recall.

Jason: I’m willing to bet money that she’s covered “Vision of Love,” at the very least.

Jeff: Anyway, we’re blaming the death of Mellowmas on Wing? Makes sense. She probably kept us going for at least an extra two years, so we might as well blame her for stopping.

Jason: I’m just saying. If Wing is throwing in the towel, what’s the point?
WHAT’S THE POINT, JEFF.

Jeff: I don’t have an answer for you, buddy. You’re right. If Wing can’t make this work, what chance do the rest of us have?

Jason: If Wing were here, she’d be the first one to implore us to Stop the Nonsense.

Jeff: I would grab her by the face and say “WHAT IS THE POINT OF EVEN TRYING, WING”

Jason: Oh, and “Vision of Love” is on her Everyone Sings Carols With Wing album.

Jeff: [points at nose, points at you]

Jason: And I’m looking at this track list and laughing all over again. I remember listening to some of these.

But enough nostalgia. We’ll have plenty of Mellowmas nostalgia for everyone this holiday season.

What I want to know, Jeff, is this.

Have you ever pished?

Jeff: Say what now?

Jason: Pished.

Note that my computer keeps trying to autocorrect that word to “pushed.” Please don’t answer THAT question.

Jeff: #pushface

Jason: Anyway, pishing is a technique birders use in the field to attract small birds in order to get a better view to identify them.

By understanding what pishing is and how and when to use it, birders can greatly increase their field birding success.

Jeff: Of course. Everyone knows that.

Jason: I’m not 100% sure, but I’m pretty confident that Pishers are similar to Bronies.

Jeff: This has nothing to do with Mellowmas, of course. Nothing at all.

Jason: OH, YOU’D LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT, WOULDN’T YOU.

Jeff: Not one thing.

Jason: There’s an artist out there named “The Pishing Birder.”

Jeff: Nope! No there isn’t.

Jason: I’ve never pished a bird before. Or birded a pish.

Jeff: No one has! This isn’t real.

Jason: I wouldn’t mind pushing Bish, though. #2006mellowmas

Jeff: Has Phish released a Christmas album?

Jason: I think they have, actually. It’s twelve days long. But that’s not who we’re here to listen to. We’re here to listen to The Pishing Birder.

Jeff: I repeat, that is not a thing. Or a person. Or whatever. You are lying. We have already listened to more than enough bird-themed Christmas music.

Jason: Birders are crazy, Jeff. This one has released “Jingle Bells for Birders.” As well as “Happy Birthday for Birders” and “Auld Lang Syne for Birders.”

Jeff: Jingle bells are heavy, aren’t they? If I’m ever holding jingle bells while speaking with a birder, I fully intend to hit said birder about the face with said bells.

Jason: You’re about as close to nature as they get. I can’t believe you haven’t pished with a birder before.

Jeff: I can’t believe a lot of things, many of which relate to this conversation.

Jason: I feel like if you’re the kind of person who owns a shotgun with which to shoot snow off of a roof, you probably know at least two birders.

Jeff: I don’t ASK about those kinds of things while speaking with people.

Jason: You may have even pished yourself. Actually, I remember you drunk in the back of my car once and I was afraid you had pished yourself.

Jeff: Instead I puked all over the street! While sitting next to a nice, thoroughly appalled young woman I’d never met before.

It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I think it’ll end up ranking just below the Pishing Birder.

Jason: True fact: when Sean Connery takes a leak, he pishes.

I am so pleased with this joke I am making.

Jeff: I am imagining Sean Connery as the Highlander, lopping off the Pishing Birder’s head.

Jason: You never know, buddy. You may like “Jingle Bells for Birders.”

Jeff: I’m pretty sure I know.

Jeff: Keyboards! This isn’t so bad.

Jason: Pish pish pish!

Jeff: Oh God, wait.

Jason: How do I make this your alarm clock?

Jeff: I’m scowling, Jason. Scowling HARD.

Jason: Pish pish pish pish!

Jeff: Is this funny to birders?

Jason: A bird just landed on my arm!

Jeff: Like, is this pishing?

Jason: Ugh, it just pished all over my shoulder.

Big finish! Or I guess that’s a big finpish?

Jeff: Or is this just the work of someone who found out about “pishing” and decided to make records where he made pishing noises?

Jason: That pish sounded feminine to me. I think that was a female pisher.

Jeff: You picked this just so you could make a lot of punny jokes, I know it.

Jason: I swear to you that I didn’t think of the “pish/piss” joke until the minute I made it.

Jeff: And yet it was so sophisticated.

Jason: You mean soPISHticated.

Jeff: Did you just pish yourself laughing?

Jason: I’m sitting in a pish puddle right now!

Jeff: I think I know how you feel!

Jason: What a start to Mellowmas.

Jeff: Again, I’m scowling.

Jason: birder dance