Jeff: I’ve been thinking, Jason.

Jason: There has been no thinking going on since December 1st. You’ve been doing something, I know. But it’s not thinking.

Jeff: I mean, the holidays are for everyone, right? People of all nationalities. All creeds. And yet we seem to cover only English-speaking artists during Mellowmas, for the most part.

This seems like an oversight.

Jason: What, “The Christmas Dance” and VERGISSMEINNICHT weren’t enough for you?

Jeff: They were okay. But I think we can do more. The 21st century is all about diversity!

Jason: How about this: First, tell me the language. Then I’ll tell you yes or no.

Jeff: Um.

…I don’t know?

Jason: That’s good enough for me. No.

Jeff: What language is “An dem Tag (Eine Frohe Weihnacht)”? That’s German, right? You love German stuff.

Jason: “What what What (What What What)”?

Jeff: Hey, really, I have no idea. But Wolfgang C. Gmoser is feeling GOOD about whatever he’s singing.

Jason: A typo, Jeff! That last name is missing a vowel.

Jeff: Which vowel do you speak of?

Jason: Pick one. Any one.

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha! Do I get to put a funny line through it?

Jason: You can put your balls through it for all I care.

Jeff: That might be what “An dem Tag” means.

Jason: You seem really excited. I should stop bursting your bubble. I’m ready to listen to Wolfgang C. Gmoser.

Jeff: Also, from now on I’m going to scream “WEIHNACHT” at my kids at random intervals.

Jason: That’s fine, but if one screams back VERGISSMEINNICHT, you pretty much have to crown them ruler of the house.

Jason: Wow, that album cover!

Jeff: The cover is AMAZING. Oh, this is tasteful. And vaguely David Foster-ish.

Jason: …is this Terje?

Jeff: Terje would have designed a much better cover! How dare you.

Jason: That’s true. Also, he’s not German. Sorry, Terje.

Jeff: You know, at this point during Mellowmas, I’m totally okay with not having any idea what the lyrics mean.

Jason: Yeah, me too. I just feel more…sensitive, somehow. Also, where can I buy you that scarf? I feel like it’d go really well with your Liberace vest.

Jeff: Is that a scarf? I thought it was melted Gummi bears.

Jason: Why do I feel like out of all the songs we listen to this season, this is the only one I’m going to remember?

Jeff: Please sing this around the house.

Wolfgang knows how to sing harmony with himself, which is nice. He also knows how to compose a chorus.

Jason: How can he look so happy when he has pine cones so close to his crotch?

Jeff: The cover is so small on my screen that I thought those were tulips!

Jason: Speaking of tulips so close to a crotch, say hi to your mother for me.

About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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