The Tenth Day of Mellowmas: Pine Cone Crotch

Written by Mellowmas, Mellowmas 2014, Music

Mellowmas is Mellowmas in any language

Jeff: I’ve been thinking, Jason.

Jason: There has been no thinking going on since December 1st. You’ve been doing something, I know. But it’s not thinking.

Jeff: I mean, the holidays are for everyone, right? People of all nationalities. All creeds. And yet we seem to cover only English-speaking artists during Mellowmas, for the most part.

This seems like an oversight.

Jason: What, “The Christmas Dance” and VERGISSMEINNICHT weren’t enough for you?

Jeff: They were okay. But I think we can do more. The 21st century is all about diversity!

Jason: How about this: First, tell me the language. Then I’ll tell you yes or no.

Jeff: Um.

…I don’t know?

Jason: That’s good enough for me. No.

Jeff: What language is “An dem Tag (Eine Frohe Weihnacht)”? That’s German, right? You love German stuff.

Jason: “What what What (What What What)”?

Jeff: Hey, really, I have no idea. But Wolfgang C. Gmoser is feeling GOOD about whatever he’s singing.

Jason: A typo, Jeff! That last name is missing a vowel.

Jeff: Which vowel do you speak of?

Jason: Pick one. Any one.

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha! Do I get to put a funny line through it?

Jason: You can put your balls through it for all I care.

Jeff: That might be what “An dem Tag” means.

Jason: You seem really excited. I should stop bursting your bubble. I’m ready to listen to Wolfgang C. Gmoser.

Jeff: Also, from now on I’m going to scream “WEIHNACHT” at my kids at random intervals.

Jason: That’s fine, but if one screams back VERGISSMEINNICHT, you pretty much have to crown them ruler of the house.

Jason: Wow, that album cover!

Jeff: The cover is AMAZING. Oh, this is tasteful. And vaguely David Foster-ish.

Jason: …is this Terje?

Jeff: Terje would have designed a much better cover! How dare you.

Jason: That’s true. Also, he’s not German. Sorry, Terje.

Jeff: You know, at this point during Mellowmas, I’m totally okay with not having any idea what the lyrics mean.

Jason: Yeah, me too. I just feel more…sensitive, somehow. Also, where can I buy you that scarf? I feel like it’d go really well with your Liberace vest.

Jeff: Is that a scarf? I thought it was melted Gummi bears.

Jason: Why do I feel like out of all the songs we listen to this season, this is the only one I’m going to remember?

Jeff: Please sing this around the house.

Wolfgang knows how to sing harmony with himself, which is nice. He also knows how to compose a chorus.

Jason: How can he look so happy when he has pine cones so close to his crotch?

Jeff: The cover is so small on my screen that I thought those were tulips!

Jason: Speaking of tulips so close to a crotch, say hi to your mother for me.