November 27, 2006:

Jason: I had an idea for a mix on my blog, but I think I might need your help.
Jeff: Tell me.
Jason: A Very Mellow Christmas.
Jeff: Oh my God. That’s fucking brilliant.
Jason: Conceptually, yes. But I don’t know if I have “the goods.”
Jeff: I do. I do I do I do
Jason: Oh yeah?
Jeff: Listen, man. Here’s how you do it. I will do everything in my power to help you assemble the mellowest, goldest holiday mixtape. You leak that out however you want.
Jason: You’re awesome.
Jeff: I’d suggest maybe over two weeks..
Jason: really?
Jeff: That’s how it works.
Jason: Goddamn.
Jeff: Fuck yes.
Jason: You are my web guru. My blog inspiration. I must follow.
Jeff: Does Rush Limbaugh reading “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” count as Mellow Gold?
Jason: No. It does not. Don’t even.
Jeff: ‘Cause I have it.
Jason: The 12 Days Of Mellowmas.
Jeff: Yeah, see, there you go.
Jason: I think we should somehow do it together. We should do it as some joint-blog thing. Because I can see I’ve clearly got you enthused.
Jeff: You do.

And there you have it: the inception of the best/worst idea we’ve ever had. Tomorrow marks the start of our tenth — tenth! — year of Mellowmas, our gawd-awful holiday celebrating the worst and worst-er of Christmas music, plus Teddy Pendergrass’s ”Happy Kwanzaa” and whatever ”Vergissmeinnicht” was celebrating.

Consider the following. Since 2006:

  • We’ve covered almost 160 songs, and sixteen of them are ”Last Christmas.”
  • We’ve either started our chats relaxed in August or panicked on November 30th. (Much more often the latter.)
  • We’ve laughed until we’ve cried, sometimes just cried, and spent away too much time staring at our screens, wondering what the hell is happening in our headphones.
  • We’ve tortured our all-too-patient wives, who haven’t yet killed us — most likely because the amusement from hearing us cackle has outweighed the dread from the number of times we’ve said ”you’ve gotta hear this. Just trust me.”
  • We’ve made friends and enemies, and both groups have contributed to the awful music you’ve heard over the past ten years.
  • We’ve pissed off artists, we’ve welcomed some into our sick celebrations (shout-out to the late, great Alan O’Day!), we’ve shared some with crowds in New York City, and last — but not least — we’ve auditioned for Maurice Starr. I mean, what the hell is left to do after you’ve auditioned for The General?

So that’s why this will be our final year running The 25 Days of Mellowmas. That’s not to say that we won’t pop back in from time to time in the future, but seriously, folks — our wives are consulting with divorce attorneys, and they no longer look like they’re joking.

To celebrate a decade from the depths of Mell, here’s what you’ll find over the next 25 days:

  • A bunch of new and truly awful crap!
  • A collection of some of our (and your) favorites, as suggested on our Mellowmas Facebook page!
  • Six ”lost” entries from 2006, originally posted on before the site went kaput, reconstructed from our Gmail chats!

We hope you enjoy what is destined to be a poop-filled horse ride into the sunset. It starts tomorrow!

About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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