Jason: You know what I love? A press release for an album that includes the word “vomits.” Jeff: Okay, that’s all I needed to hear. See you on December 26!…
Mellowmas
Jeff: So, Jason. Christmas music. Jason: I feel like however I respond to this is going to be the wrong response, but okay. Yes. Christmas music. Jeff: I’m sitting here…
Jason: You know, the funniest thing happened to me today — and of course, by “funniest,” I mean “most tragic.” Jeff: You got a letter from the government saying Christmas…
Jeff: Ah, one day closer to the 25th. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Soon, we will be free once more from the tyranny of…
Jason: Quick, Jeff: tell me your favorite Christmas record of all time. Jeff: Oh, man. If you’d asked me that during the first couple years of Mellowmas, I would have…
Jeff: Jason, baby? Jason: I can’t tell if you’re trying to sweet-talk me or you’re singing a version of “Santa Baby.” Either way, I’m skeptical. Jeff: Jason, baby, you know…
Jeff: You know what we haven’t had enough of this Mellowmas, Jason? Jason: Silence? Jeff: Yes! And also tough, authentic GRIT. Jason: Uh, I think you’re forgetting about our friends…
Jason: Hey Jeff, guess how many songs I have in my holiday collection on iTunes? Jeff: 600,000? Jason: Not quite. I’m up to 2,797. Funny, I thought the number was…
Jeff: Hey, you’re still here! Jason: Don’t act surprised. You chained me to the radiator, remember? Black Snake Mellowmas. Jeff: That…that is a mental image I will never be rid…
Jeff: Happy whatever day of Mellowmas, Jason! It’s so cold and dark. Jason: I say “whatever” every day of Mellowmas, so that’s apt. It IS cold and dark, isn’t it?…
Jason: Hey Jeff! Remember our buddy Fred Figglehorn? Jeff: I’m leaving. You go to hell. Jason: YOU COME BACK HERE. Jeff: YOU DO NOT INVOKE THE NAME OF FRED FIGGLEHORN…
Jason: Hey, did you see? Billy Joel is playing Brooklyn on New Year’s Eve! Jeff: Is he playing new material? Because otherwise, I don’t give a shit. Jason: Same old…
Jason: Good day, sir! I present a challenge to you. Jeff: I do not accept! Goodbye. Jason: You get back here right now! You know damn well we have approximately…
Jeff: Hey, Jason! Guess what today is? Jason: The worst day of the rest of my life? Jeff: Kind of! It’s a very special Mellowmas anniversary. Jason: That can’t be…
Jason: Some people may not realize it, but finding Mellowmas music isn’t an easy thing to do. Jeff: On the other hand, it isn’t nearly as hard as it should…
Jeff: Well, well, well! Look who’s back for more Mellowmas. Jason: I can’t say no to you, baby. Jeff: As it turns out, ending a sentence with “baby” is oddly…
Jeff: HO, HO, HO, JASON! JASON! IT IS MELLOWMAS! Jason: INDEED IT IS, GOOD SIRE! So nice to be with you again! Jeff: Readers, please mark this down: Jason has…
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go. It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men, et cetera, et cetera. We…
On Mellowmas Eve, we pour you a triple shot of holiday mellow gold
In which Jason uses a supertalent Michael Jackson double to exact his revenge on Jeff
Break out the white wine spritzers, because we’re about to get some smooth jazz up in this Mellowmas
In which a sunny trip to the islands takes a sad, nonsensical turn
In which Jason and Jeff fall into a deep, pillowy-soft Cuneta hole
Happy holidays from a former soap star with nothing left to do but rock on
In which Carly Rae Jepsen and a plastic Ukranian woman remind us of “The Facts of Life”
Turns out Michael Buble isn’t the only one who can sleepwalk his way through a holiday standard
Sandals and a robe mean never having to stay in tune
Everybody already know it’s Mellowmas, so I’ma tell ’em. Aight?