I received an e-mail this morning from one of the members of Starland Vocal Band, detailing the story behind Christmas At Home.  I thought I’d share it with you.  Next year, how cool would it be if we could get all of the artists to submit information on their tracks?  Then again, if we’re ripping them all apart, I doubt it’ll work.  Props to SVB for taking my post with a sense of humor!

Hey Jason,
Thru no fault of your own you’ve entered a sort of time ravine which has brought you to "Christmas at Home" by the Starland Vocal Band.
 
The album was done at the request of a friend of the group for a local charity.
 
The idea, and what they did, was to get together in Bill’s home studio, practice a Christmas song a day, and record it ( not consecutively; spread out over two weeks). The profits, (there were few expenses) went to the charity.
 
The machines were simple and the Steel player, Danny Pendleton engineered.
Only available instruments were used.: a Prophet 5 synthesizer, a steel guitar, piano, guitars, various percussion devices.
 
Since the group members had all grown up Catholic, they knew all the traditional carols and each claimed
their favorite to be included. And then they did the others.
 
"Here Comes Santa Claus" is one of Bills favorites as he tries to be faithful to the Gene Autry version he heard in his youth.  (JH: Now I feel awful!)
 
The children singing were from Emma Danoff’s (Bill and Taffy’s daughter)  kindergarten class.
The idea was to use "just a touch". SVB took them, with supervision, for an hour to do those simple lines and credited them on the album. It’s those children’s parent who probably own all the existing copies of the recording.  (JH: Okay, so which parent is selling out their kid by putting it on eBay?  Fess up!)
 
It was a spontaneous act of love that the group is proud of.
 
Peace and Love,
 
CHRISTMAS AT HOME
 

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Well, friends, here we are.  You thought the day would never come.  I know.  It’s been rough, hasn’t it, listening to all this Mellow holiday music?  But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and it shines brightly today, as we present The Most Mellow Holiday Record Of All.

Starland Vocal Band - Christmas At Home

Entire album (zip)

O Holy Night
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Away In A Manger
Angels We Have Heard On High
The First Noel
What Child Is This?
Joy To The World
Here Comes Santa Claus
The Two Days Of Christmas
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Deck The Halls
Jingle Bells
Silent Night
We Wish You A Merry Christmas

You didn’t even know this existed, did you?

We haven’t talked about Starland Vocal Band on Mellow Gold as of yet.  I’m sure we will at some point.  But it means that I haven’t told you my dirty little secret: I have a Starland Vocal Band bias.

You see, my parents were both big John Denver fans in the ’70s (be nice, people, they read my website).  They saw SVB open for Denver a number of times and really loved them.  They bought their first two albums, Starland Vocal Band and Rear View Mirror, and played them all the time.  And I mean all the time.  Every road trip we ever took involved Starland Vocal Band.  I know all 20 of those songs from the first two albums by heart.  I know the harmony lines.  I can play them on piano.  The whole thing.

So, for better or for worse, because they were such a part of my childhood and my musical memories with my parents, I really love those two albums.  I am actually amused by the repeated flak they get for "Afternoon Delight," because I can’t find anybody that’s ever actually listened to any of their other songs.  Some are actually quite good, and all feature their best quality: a pristine, four-part harmony blend.

Being a good son, I made it my goal in the late ’90s to get as much SVB stuff as possible for my dad (who, by the way, had moved on by then, but I didn’t know what else to get him for Christmas).  Eventually those first two records were released on CD, so that was an easy one.  Finding their last two original albums, Late Night Radio and 4×4, only came within my grasp once eBay came around.  Those two (mediocre) albums, lovingly transferred to CD, and maybe an SVB songbook, and I was pretty much out of ideas.

Then, one year, I came across Christmas At Home on eBay.  I had never heard of it.  Most sites that mention Starland Vocal Band don’t have any record of it, either.  In fact, I think the only place I’ve really found it documented is on founding member Bill Danoff’s website.  So I bought it, had it transferred to CD (as you’ll be able to tell, there are some clicks and pops I wasn’t able to remove), and proudly gifted it to my father for Christmas.

And we listened.

And we realized: this album sucks.

And that, my friends, is the story of how Jason ruined Christmas.

But the album IS mellow, and from the right time period as well.  I’ll argue that it’s not as Mellow Gold as Fogelberg, but it’s got the smooth acoustic guitars and the trademark SVB harmonies (oh, the harmonies!).  It’s as close to a full Mellowmas album as we’re ever going to get.

I hadn’t listened to it in about five years, and gave it a re-listen.  I sent it to Jeff, too.  We opted not to do song-by-song commentary, because, well, we didn’t want to kill you.  But here are some of my favorite Jefito comments:

Oh Jesus, is this ever square.
Bing Crosby would have laughed at this.
I think I’m going to throw up.
What fresh hell is this?  (JH note: this one is my favorite.)
It isn’t as bad as REO or Medeiros, certainly.
Actually, it’s probably better than most of the shit we’ve been posting about.
But it’s still pretty awful.
It sounds like argyle.  (JH note: second favorite.)
"What Child is This?" is an urgent plea for gang violence.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Funny guy, that Jefito.  (By the way, from the minute I informed him of this album’s existence, he claimed it was my moral imperative to share these songs with you, so he shares in the blame.)  Although I admit to being a bit ill-equipped for snarking on this band, I was able to recognize what songs were good and what songs sucked.  I do recommend listening to the whole thing - even with 14 songs, it clocks in at under 25 minutes.  However, if you want to pick n’ choose, here are my thoughts on a few:

Best Songs, Seriously:  "Angels We Have Heard On High"; "The First Noel"; "Silent Night"

Worst Songs, Seriously:  "Here Comes Santa Claus"; "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Most Mellow Gold, Mainly Because Of An Overactive Bass Drum:  "Deck The Halls"; "O Holy Night"

Worst Use Of Children’s Voices:  "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" "Rudolph"

Song That Would Have Been Proclaimed "Ironic Genius" Had Sufjan Stevens Recorded It:  "The Two Days Of Christmas"

Biggest Suckers/Best Sports This Mellowmas:  You guys.

So there you have it.  Enjoy, or don’t enjoy, this final Mellowmas offering.  Here’s wishing you and yours a very happy holiday - and from both Jeff and I, thanks for indulging us as we reviewed The 12 Days Of Mellowmas!  Now let us never speak of it again.

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Hang on, folks, we’ve only got a couple more days of Mellowmas ahead, and these last few - ESPECIALLY DAY TWELVE - are going to rock.  (By "rock," I mean…well, you know what I mean.)  Today we’re listening to a song that was recommended by not one, but TWO readers, which means it must really be mellow.  And away we go!

Jeff: He’ll be dropping by today, because they could get it together tonight.  Croce was fucking smooth.

Jason: No, that’s an awkward lyric.  I disagree with you. 

Jeff: He’s telling her to get ready for some rough ridin’.

Jason:  Ha!  "It doesn’t have to be that way. I could give it to you all night."

Jeff: He’s the Smoove B of Mellow Gold.

Jason: Wow.  I hope SOMEBODY else gets that reference.

Jason: Croce sounds wimpy…but not necessarily mellow.  There aren’t any backing vocals, which is a shame.  Still, this is vintage Croce.

Jeff: Who needs backing vocals when you’ve got Croce?  Backing vocals would ruin the purity of the Croach.

Jason: I thought I heard that!

Jeff: Unrolling the bearskin rug.

Jason: Ha!

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It’s Day 8 of the Jefito/Jason "Screw you, we’re not stopping with the shitty music, no matter how much you beg" 12 Days of Mellowmas!  And we’ve got one for you today from the man who somehow has a hand in more Mellow Gold music than is healthy: Andrew Gold!

As we mentioned last week, Andrew Gold has already influenced Mellowmas, simply by virtue of his production on America’s Holiday Harmony.  Jeff assures me this track is from an album entitled Steve Vaus Presents The Best Of The Stars Come Out For Christmas.  I can’t find it for easy purchase, and the cover is lame, so I just thought I’d post a picture of Andrew Gold.

(yes, Mike, he looks like me but with a beard. )

Andrew Gold - On Christmas Eve (download)

Jason: Another fade in. Is Ringo on this one too? What the fuck is with all this dialogue?

Jeff: Harpsichord-ish!

Jason: I feel like I’m watching Gold watch TV.

Jeff: Someone’s been listening to a lot of ELO.

Jason: When he recorded this, I bet he wore a costume of some sort.

Jeff: Ha! It was his "working musician" costume. It consists of an Andrew Gold World Tour 1977 t-shirt and a trucker hat that says "I Did More Than Just ‘Lonely Boy,’ You Know"

Jason: He’d never wear that shirt. People would say "What’s ‘Lonely Boy’?"

Jason: Chorus! Who are those people? They sound homeless.

Jeff: This is barely a song.

Jason: Wait, what are those gifts he listed? I’m rewinding.

Jason: Train for William, doll for Kathy. Or is it Kathie? Maybe he got a doll for Kathie Lee Gifford.  Tie for Daddy, "make them happy."  Okay.  First of all, Daddy got screwed.  He got a fucking tie. 

Jeff:  Everybody involved with this song got screwed.

Jason:  Second of all, anybody get the feeling Andrew Gold is a single dad?  I didn’t hear Mommy getting a gift.

Jeff: Mommy gets alimony. And half of the royalties from "Thank You for Being a Friend." Best of all, Mommy doesn’t have to listen to this shit anymore.

Jason: Well, at least it was short. It could have been much worse.

Jeff: Was it even 2:30 long?

Jeff: Imagine if Andrew Gold was your husband and you came home from a long day at work, supporting the family, and he played you this.

Jason: He’d be all like, "but I went out and recorded all those voices outside! It was a lot of work! And do you know how long it took me to find the "harpsichord" button on the Yamaha?"

Jeff: "And I’ve got America coming in next week!"

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Day 6 of the 12 Days Of Mellowmas!  How excited are you?  You should be very excited.  Today’s track is one of my personal favorites, with no snark intended.  Seriously.  It’s "Winter Wonderland" by America, recorded for their 2002 album Holiday Harmony.  What makes this album specifically very special and Mellow Gold-relevant?  It’s produced by none other than Andrew "Thank You For Being A Friend" Gold!

Jeff: Second nothin’ — they tip their hand right away.

Jason: True.  Oooh, nice lower harmony.  And slide guitar!  And I like really like those "ooohs" in the background.

Jeff: I really have to give the nod to Gold’s production here.

Jason: Here comes the "Horse" nod.  AWESOME!  I don’t know what makes these harmonies "America" harmonies, but they’re perfect.  I would usually give them shit for ripping off "Horse" but it somehow works for me here.

Jeff: This is my favorite holiday song I’ve heard for Mellowmas.

Jason: That’s so mean, Jeff.

Jeff: What?  Think of the songs we’ve heard for Mellowmas.

Jason: Well, I don’t care. I need to share this song with everyone.  Because I love it.  They’re like the poor man’s CSN.  I wonder why they chose Andrew Gold?  Is there some Mellow Gold code they have to abide by?

Jason: Dude, fuck Robbie Dupree.  I hate that guy.

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Welcome back to our 4th Day of the 12 Days Of Mellowmas!  Nothing needs to be said about the following artist.  Well, nothing, that is, except the conversation between Jefito and I below.  Enjoy the download…or don’t.  You probably won’t.  If the cover design is any indication of the contents within…

Jason:  Ahhh, that’s a good point.  Unless this tied in with a movie or video, which is totally plausible, being that it’s Bish?

Jason:  Oh, yeah.

Jeff: You know, I’m going to try and mount a campaign to make Bishmas the new Festivus.

Jeff: Well, anyway, Jason. Merry Bishmas to you and yours.

Jason: Thank you, Jeff. And a Merry Bishmas to you, but only you, not the wife and kid. I wouldn’t wish Bishmas on them. Only you.

Jeff: Ha!

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Welcome, folks, to day 2 of The 12 Days Of Mellowmas!  Please enjoy (or try to enjoy) today’s download:  "Love Is All," by Air Supply!

Jeff and I were disappointed in The Christmas Album.  We were really hoping for some vintage Air Supply: soaring vocals from Russell Hitchcock, competent guitar playing from Graham Russell, that sort of thing.  Instead, it’s pretty much a Bing Crosby Christmas album with different vocals.  Still, if there’s one song that captures a bit of the Air Supply magic, if you can call it magic, it’s this one.

Air Supply:  Love Is All (download)
From The Christmas Album  Amazon

Jason:  We should tell our readers that if they’re on the fence about buying the Air Supply Christmas album, don’t do it.  It’s not worth it.  This is the only song that has any Air Supply in it, really.  The rest of it is all traditional, could’ve-been-sung-by-anybody pap.

Jeff:  Wow.  This sounds like the beginning of a made-for-TV Christmas special.  Is that Crystal Gayle?

Jason:  "we hunger for that touch?"  that’s awkward.

Jeff: CBS Presents: "The Suckiest Christmas," starring Dyan Cannon and Kris Kristofferson.

Jason:  Love is where we all begin, Jeff, you cynical prick.  And when we knock on heaven’s door, only love will let us in.  Somewhere, Bob Dylan just winced.

Jeff:  There’s some wicked reverb going on in here.

Jason:  Oooh, listen to that note!  That’s the first time Russell Hitchcock hit a Hitchcockian note.

Jeff: Oooh, a guitar just tickled my left ear.  I feel dirty.

Jason:  Another high note from Hitchcock!

Jeff:  Goddamn, real strings!  The first real strings we’ve heard all fucking Mellowmas, and they’re wasted on Air Supply.

Jason: Don’t you know that love is all, Jeff?  Love is where we all begin, Jeff.  You cynical prick.  And here comes that horrible heaven’s door lyric again.

Jeff: Yeah, and it’s all that will let us into heaven when we die.  This is sort of a morbid song for the holidays.  True love cannot be broken, through all the tears of pain.

Jeff: Oh, shit, Hitchcock just rocked a little!

Jason:  I just heard that!  He almost growled!  Almost.

Jeff:  I think that was his Bob Seger impression.  He probably had to lie down for a minute after that.

Jason: Wait a minute.  Does this song actually mention Christmas at all, come to think of it?  I don’t even hear any jingle bells.

(pause)

Jason: Air Supply tricked us!  This isn’t about Christmas!

Jeff: They totally did.

Jason:  I read somewhere that this song actually gets holiday airplay!

Jeff: They tricked us into listening to another one of their sappy fucking love songs.

Jason: Goddamn these Australians!

Jeff: They could have at least thrown in a children’s choir or something.

Jason: I agree.  We got screwed.

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My friends, holidays are a time for sharing.  Sharing love.  Sharing gifts.  Sharing holiday cheer.

And sharing mellow music.  Terrible, mellow music.

The sad truth is that while the ’70s were a great time for Mellow Gold, the era wasn’t the best for holiday music.  Although older artists had enjoyed success with holiday albums, the annual tradition of releasing holiday albums in a last-ditch effort to make money before the end of the year was not yet the norm.  However, that’s not to say that some of our favorite Mellow Gold artists didn’t eventually figure this out and release holiday music - they just didn’t do it in the ’70s.  And as you already know, you can take the boy out of the Mellow Gold era, but you can’t take the Mellow Gold era out of the boy.  Or something.

So this holiday season, Jefito and I have done something special.  We’ve hung our stockings by the chimney with care, lit the fire, filled our mugs with hot cocoa, tucked our genitals into our bodies, and pulled up our easy chairs to listen to some of the Mellowest music we can find.  We are proud to present to you:

For the next 12 days, Jeff and I will alternate and present you with a track each day, and share with your our discussions as we listened to each mellow, and often terrible, song.

The holiday fun starts today at 12 PM, over at Jefitoblog.  Go enjoy our first selection, and come here tomorrow for Day #2.  And a very happy, wussy Mellowmas to each and every one of you!

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