An 11-year-old, a copy of GarageBand, and thee
Mellowmas
199 Articles
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
The search for a Christmas gift for Jason’s wife produces a foul hurricane of Mellowmas misery
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
2 Min Read
“I like the part where it speeds up for no apparent reason.”
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
No Mellowmas could be complete without the sound of joybells ringing
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
4 Min Read
You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the Mellowmas blows
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
In which we marvel at what still passes for “cute” during the holidays
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
4 Min Read
It puts the Mellowmas on its skin or it gets Mitchell Stoned again
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
4 Min Read
Jane Wiedlin hopes you’ve been naughty this year
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
Never was a cloudy day (or an original thought)
Terje Fjelde
1 Min Read
Courtesy of the amazing Terje Fjelde, whose weekly presence ’round these parts is sorely missed: A refresher course for those of you who might be new to the Mellowmas tradition…or…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
10 Min Read
Jason: IT’S HERE! Jeff: Go away! Jason: MELLOWMAS MORN! Jeff: I don’t want to do this anymore! Jason: Looks like we maaaaaade it! Jeff: After all the hateful things you…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
4 Min Read
Jason: Our readers probably are aware that the holiday season starts much earlier for us. Sometimes even earlier than it starts at your local drug store. Jeff: Very true. I…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
5 Min Read
Jeff: Ha ha! YES! It’s December 23rd. I’m virtually trembling with anticipation. Jason: SO CLOSE. SO GODDAMN CLOSE. Jeff: Mellowmas has made me yearn for Christmas like I haven’t since…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
Jeff: So close, Jason. So close and yet so far. My big bottle of bourbon is almost empty. Jason: As is my juice box. Jeff: I don’t know if I…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
4 Min Read
Jason: Well, Jeff, Christmas is almost here. Jeff: Thank God. Every year, I write “MELLOWMAS IS OVER” on a little piece of paper, I put it in a box, and…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
Jeff: Oh, goddammit. Jason: What? What happened? Jeff: Nothing, I guess. I just hate shoveling snow. Jason: At least the snow you’re shoveling is white — here in Queens, it’s…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
Jason: Jeff! I’m so glad you’re here. I just had the worst dream. Jeff: I’m pretty sure we’re living that dream, but I’ll bite: What happened? Jason: I dreamed that…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
Jason: You know what I love? A press release for an album that includes the word “vomits.” Jeff: Okay, that’s all I needed to hear. See you on December 26!…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
Jeff: So, Jason. Christmas music. Jason: I feel like however I respond to this is going to be the wrong response, but okay. Yes. Christmas music. Jeff: I’m sitting here…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
Jason: You know, the funniest thing happened to me today — and of course, by “funniest,” I mean “most tragic.” Jeff: You got a letter from the government saying Christmas…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
2 Min Read
Jeff: Ah, one day closer to the 25th. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Soon, we will be free once more from the tyranny of…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
5 Min Read
Jason: Quick, Jeff: tell me your favorite Christmas record of all time. Jeff: Oh, man. If you’d asked me that during the first couple years of Mellowmas, I would have…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
2 Min Read
Jeff: Jason, baby? Jason: I can’t tell if you’re trying to sweet-talk me or you’re singing a version of “Santa Baby.” Either way, I’m skeptical. Jeff: Jason, baby, you know…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
1 Min Read
Jeff: You know what we haven’t had enough of this Mellowmas, Jason? Jason: Silence? Jeff: Yes! And also tough, authentic GRIT. Jason: Uh, I think you’re forgetting about our friends…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
Jason: Hey Jeff, guess how many songs I have in my holiday collection on iTunes? Jeff: 600,000? Jason: Not quite. I’m up to 2,797. Funny, I thought the number was…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
2 Min Read
Jeff: Hey, you’re still here! Jason: Don’t act surprised. You chained me to the radiator, remember? Black Snake Mellowmas. Jeff: That…that is a mental image I will never be rid…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
4 Min Read
Jeff: Happy whatever day of Mellowmas, Jason! It’s so cold and dark. Jason: I say “whatever” every day of Mellowmas, so that’s apt. It IS cold and dark, isn’t it?…
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Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
3 Min Read
Jason: Hey, did you see? Billy Joel is playing Brooklyn on New Year’s Eve! Jeff: Is he playing new material? Because otherwise, I don’t give a shit. Jason: Same old…